Reprinted from Virginian-Pilot, June 15, 1987:
 "My maternal alarm clock was going off," says Gilinda Phillippe. "I really wanted a child." The live-in nanny has one in Steve Albinder, 2. |
VIRGINIA BEACH, Virginia — The 2-year-old boy sat in her lap, and
together they slid down the slide in the playground. His face flushed, he
jumped off her lap and squealed, "Yeah, Gilinda."
"Yeah, Steve," she answered, picking up 4-month-old Kevin and
righting his bottle.
Many would call Gilinda Phillippe, 28, a nanny, but to Phillippe and her
husband, Roger, it's more than that.
Kevin and Steven Albinder are two of her five "surrogate
children."
"I kind of borrow them," she said.
After four miscarriages, numerous visits to fertility clinics and adoption
agencies, and a stint as a foster mother, the Phillippes were frustrated.
"If there was anybody craving a baby, it was me," she said.
"I became very close to friends' babies. There was nothing I wanted
more than a child."
Friends suggested work as a substitute teacher or starting a preschool.
"Substitute teaching, it's fine, but maybe you'll work two or three
times a month," she said. "My maternal alarm clock was going off.
I really wanted a child."
Foster parenting filled the void for a while, but after five months, their
11-year-old foster child returned to her mother and the Phillippes were
devastated.
Growing desperate, the Phillippes decided to run an ad in the newspaper:
"NANNY-LIVE IN. Experience, qualified, references, loves
children."
"But we're more than a nanny," Phillippe said. "Most nannies
are single, and we're married," though she decided against mentioning
her husband in the ad. "So it was like having double the care. We were
definitely looking for a live-in situation. It's better than any day care.
We're just like a family. I didn't mention Roger because I was afraid
they'd hold it against me. I figured I'd sell them on him during the
interview."
Phillippe received more than 40 responses.
But after a week with one family that had four girls, Phillippe left.
"We were incompatible," she said. "I can't really pinpoint
it, but I felt like things should be done that weren't being done" to
provide for the children.
Soon after, the Phillippes went to work for Nancy and Ken Albinder of Broad
Bay Estates, where, she said, they mixed right in.
"I think in both cases (the Albinders and the Phillippes) we're just
interested in the welfare of the children," Phillippe said.
But it's not easy to have a new nanny.
"It's an adjustment for everyone, especially the older kids,"
said Nancy Albinder, 38, who is director of the Virginia Beach Girls Club
and whose husband is a 46-year-old orthodontist. "She's got to be more
like a friend for the older kids and a substitute mom when I'm gone. We're
still adjusting."
The Albinders, who have five children ranging in age from 4 months to 19
years, had hired foreign nannies before finding the Phillippes. Having a
married nanny with American citizenship is an advantage, said Nancy
Albinder.
"I've had nannies from out of the country that only have six-month
visas," she said. "Then when they leave, the kids and the whole
family has to go through the adjustment process again."
Although Roger Phillippe still works at his regular job as assistant
general manager of the Peninsula White Sox, Gilinda Phillippe gave up her
$50,000-a-year vacation real estate sales job for a round-the-clock,
$100-a-week brush with motherhood. They went from a five bedroom townhouse
on the Eastern Shore to one bedroom in the Albinders' house.
Gilinda Phillippe said it was worth it.
"I take them to the zoo, swimming, to the park," she said.
"I'm just taking a lot of pleasure in watching them do things and
learn things and grow."
Phillippe said that her husband doesn't spend as much time with the
children or take part in the daily care but that he benefits nonetheless.
"We, him, the kids and I," she said, "do things together on
the weekends as if we were a real family.
"I think we both relate real well to the children, but not like a
teacher. I think I have a relationship with them that is similar to what
they have with their mother but I don't think my husband has a father bond.
But he really enjoys the kids. He's more like a big brother."
The Phillippes have a four-year, verbal contract with the Albinders for
child care, but when they reach the three-year mark, Phillippe said, she
and her husband will start examining other possibilities.
"We'll look at our options in adopting. We'll see if the fertility
clinic has come out with anything new," said Phillippe, who has been
diagnosed as having a double uterus and other reproductive abnormalities.
If they had a natural child, she said, the child would be going to school
by the fourth year, so the four-year plan gives them the opportunity to
simulate some of the experiences they would have with a natural child.
"Just day to day, being with the kids, is such a wonderful
experience," she said. "This is probably one of the highest
points of my life."
Now, Phillippe said, her biggest fear is making the wrong decision on
something she thinks is minor but the parents think is major.
"You know, I don't have the right to make certain decisions,
especially about discipline," she said. "That's up to the
parents. Things come up, things I haven't discussed with their parents, and
if they ask me to leave it's like being fired from being a mother."
But Nancy Albinder said she lays down the ground rules.
"Discipline is mine completely," she said. "When I come
home, I take over. I'm mommy again."
Phillippe said she also worried about placing too much strain on her
marriage and not being able to spend enough time with her husband.
"We try to spend every Sunday together doing something away from the
kids," she said. "But I know he likes being with the kids. I find
I think about them when we're away. I worry about them."
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